Finding my place...

I've been quiet on this blog for a while because I've been trying to find my place. When I began this blog a little over a year ago, I did it because I love writing, I love fashion and a blog was a natural place to share my love of both.

What I've found along the way is that I'm not really a fashion-blogger. I love my outfits. And sometimes I love to share them. The reality is that I love being a mom more...I love homeschooling my kids more...I love sharing my faith more...all of that more than I love taking fashion photos on my own with the likelihood of the photos being great right up there with the likelihood of my thighs ever not touching (believe me, I've tried).

So, sometimes you may find some outfit posts up here...if I can find someone better to take photos of me. Let's be honest...bad fashion photos are just that...BAD.

The other side of what I found was that I continued the terrible habit of comparison. I've always suffered from this illness (yes, it's an illness, or did you not know?)...comparing myself at all times, in all places, in all situations...and as usual, always coming up short. For instance, my brain can recognize the fact that my thighs will always touch because of my genetics; however, every time I see a photo of someone with amazingly, beautiful legs that don't touch...I measure myself against them. And since they have something I don't, I don't quite measure up...sigh...

(I saw a quote similar to this on Pinterest one time...and of course, today I couldn't find it...so I tried to sum it up as best I can recall it. And a splash of color makes me happy so I added that too.)

I'm the chief operating officer of our household. My husband is CEO/CFO, but I handle all operations. I pay the bills with the money the Lord graciously provides through my husband's business (thank you, Lord!). Sometimes I spend more on groceries than I'm supposed to. It might be an extra something here and there or two kinds of coffee beans instead of one. And I realize I've spent too much for a month. In that moment I decide no more trips to Target, Aldi or Kroger. No more. If I don't go, I won't spend. Seems logical. And it usually works.

Well, I have the same problem with comparison as it relates to body image...mainly. And yet, instead of not looking anymore at the thighs I wish I had...I keep going back. A glutton for punishment, no pun intended. I justify it by looking at outfit ideas or workout tips. But there I am...stuck on some image of someone wonderful whom He created...exactly as He wanted to create them.

And I look at them and wish my thighs didn't touch, or my muscles were more lean, or my arms were more cut.

And then, the Lord, my great God and Savior, in His infinite mercy, reminds me at some point...that this comparison of the skin so greatly distracts from my purpose on this earth, that in my comparison I am wasting what He has blessed me with.

And then I see my precious daughter...the daughter of the King...I see her look at me, and notice me. Bumps and all. Curves and all. A tummy that sticks out just enough from birthing three kids that there could possibly be a fourth hiding underneath (no, there isn't). And I see in her eyes...her questions. Does she measure up? Is she beautiful? Is she strong? Will she have the same curves? She already thinks her breasts have grown...at age 8. Whether they have or haven't is beside the point. She's already comparing herself to me...and to others...rather than loving who God created her to be. And aren't we all so much more than flesh, bone, skin and shape? Isn't our purpose so much more than our appearance?

That girl...that precious daughter of mine...she has a testimony already. A story to tell the world. I pray for her boldness to shine forth like the dawn so that she will begin to shout that testimony from the rooftops. Of God's mercy, and grace, and fleshly salvation...oh, how He rescued her in the midnight hour (quite literally)...and I can't wait to hear her proclaim it to anyone who will listen and everyone she meets. HE saved her. He rescued her because He delighted in her. (Psalm 18:19)

Comparison is a thief indeed. A tactic of the enemy of our souls. And if I continue to look at those images of the body I wish to have, I allowing the enemy a foothold in my mind that he shouldn't have.

So, I think I've found my place. I think actually...I am finding His place for me. And in whatever way He wishes to use me, I will be used.

I Samuel 16:7 always reminds me that when we look with our fleshly eyes, we will only scratch the surface of what God can and will do in our lives. He looks at our heart.