The moments when the clouds part...

It was raining last Monday (Oct 14) when I went for my first ultrasound on baby 4 to learn that we were having a delayed or missed miscarriage. In other words, our baby was dead, but my body still bought I was pregnant with a live baby. 

It seemed to rain all week. 

And I loved it. The dark skies, cooler temperatures and ominous clouds matched my mood. 

And as the week continued, the clouds remained. Over my head and outside my window. 

But today, after a long night of cramping and perhaps some change in my body, I woke up feeling...better. Not great, good, excellent or even okay. Just better. 

The kids had gone to my parents to celebrate Mimi's birthday. They were coming home shortly. I woke up later than my pre-miscarriage self. And promptly set myself up on the couch with oatmeal. 

But what was different about this morning is that I didn't feel like sleeping all day. And that, my friends, is a step in the right direction. 

To match my better mood, I noticed the sun was out. And though I miss the rain and stormy weather, I am ready for the grieving process to progress. And I need the sun to dry up my tears and The Lord to heal this hurt in my heart. 

For the first time in my life, I have questioned God and His Word. And I have certainly questioned all the pretty and profound Christian or otherwise positive quotes. I know His Word. I know His promises. 

And so I wait. To see His hand in all of this.