When it's in your power to reconcile...

We've been studying wisdom at church throughout the summer. As a church, we have read through the book of Proverbs twice, and enjoyed various lessons on being wiser.

I have always loved Proverbs. There is always something new to learn. Some new lesson that jumps off the page as if I've never read it before.

I love that about God's word. There are few dull moments in the Bible. Perhaps you might argue and say the genealogical accounts are less than thrilling. And perhaps I might agree with you. I think anytime I have found dull moments in the Bible it is because I don't fully understand whatever it is in that passage. Until at some point it comes alive and I finally get it.

One of the messages in the series on being wiser was on relationships...and forgiveness when it's within your power to reconcile.

But what about when it isn't within your power to reconcile? What if you still have to face that person or persons and their is no reconciliation? What if every meeting is an opportunity for a fight or more hurt feelings or pain from the past? What then?

What if the other person does not have the same foundational beliefs as you and doesn't understand the concept of reconciliation and forgiveness? What if it's just a situation where you no longer serve any purpose to them and they're tired of the fight or they've made up their minds that reconciliation is simply not something they wish to pursue?

I see on Pinterest (oh, Pinterest, how I love thee...) all the time little quotes about removing toxic people from your life when they simply refuse to change or forgive or fill in the blank.

I couldn't agree more that life is simply too short to waste on codependency and trying to please people. Yes, at some point, I believe if you have planted the seeds God intended for you to, then He releases you to walk away.

But what if these are people from whom you cannot simply walk away? What if they are family? What if they are siblings or parents or grandparents or aunts or uncles or cousins? What if they are your ex-spouse and there are children involved? There are many people it could be in your life from whom you cannot simply walk away.

And what then? What do you do?

My husband used to say (quite often), and still sometimes does, "Do the next right thing."

In this situation, I would look at the next right thing to do as it appears in God's word. If you can't reconcile, or it simply isn't in your power to reconcile, then take one step back and look at what you can do. Without causing harm, without causing damage, without provoking anger, what can be done?

Every time I have stopped to finish this post...it's been a challenge. I always read so many wonderful posts from great Christian authors and they all seem to wrap up a topic so nicely...like a pretty present with a beautiful bow. I love bows.

And this one, for me, doesn't have a pretty ending. No brown paper packages. Because this is life. And people are, well, they're people. And that means it never ends up like we think it will.

One can rarely account for another person's response in any given situation. And that makes life difficult. Because we all want the response WE want...so that it all fits nicely inside our own minds and consciences. So that we can rest easy at night.

But here's the conclusion I have come to, and it' a lesson I try to teach my children daily. The only person you can control is you. You cannot control the other person's response, nor can you control their behavior or actions. You can only control you, so behave the way you know you should...and treat others the way you would want to be treated.

That means...when it's in your power to reconcile...you go and clear your side of the street. You make amends for your behavior. You go to that person with love and grace and mercy...the same love and grace and mercy you were given on the cross, and you pour it out on them. Not because they deserve it. But because you didn't deserve it...and it was poured out on you. And since you may be the only Jesus that anyone ever sees, you need to represent well.

What happens if they don't accept or they are hateful, hurtful or mean? You have to settle in your heart that your side of the street is clear. You did what you could do...what was in your power. And then you thank God for the freedom that this forgiveness (you forgiving them) will give you...and you walk in it...with a great big smile on your face...and whisper of grace on your lips...

Live wisely...as much as it depends on you...