Sometimes...

I have to admit I was glad to see 2012 go. Glad to wave goodbye. Glad to turn my face to the future and not look back. I don't want to look back...not like Lot's wife who turned back to look at Sodom, and she turned into a pillar of salt. Genesis 19:26

There were heartaches and interruptions to my life that absolutely God used to refine me. I am grateful for those experiences, and yet, I'm also ready to move forward and not look back.

I say interruptions because they were exactly that. Moments in my life that were unexpected and my plans were interrupted. What I thought was the plan was no longer the plan. And I was reminded of God's sovereignty over and over again.

Somehow it has been easier to let go of my plans for my future. I have come to realize that my plans really are of no use and typically lead to disappointment and frustration. And so even the interruptions from 2012, though painful, did not frustrate me or disappoint me. Only the humans, the people involved disappointed me.

It was not as easy for our kids to accept these interruptions because they were certainly effected too. And their little broken hearts and tears caused me such sadness...but I know God sees them. He will carry them too...and His plan for me includes His plan for them. They are His children. Not mine. His. On loan to Ryan and me to take care of, love, train, teach.

We were all hurt at one point or another...

But what God brought me to, what he brought us to, was so much better, greater and more than I could ask or imagine. 
Ephesians 3:20-21

And there's beauty in the pain...not because it's pretty, but because God shows us His love and mercy.
Isaiah 61:3

At one point during the year as new, wonderful, Godly women would enter my life, I began to resist getting to know them or becoming friends with them. I attributed it to my immature jealousy or insecurity or both. And as the trials and pains continued to come, and I was ready to wave the white flag, I realized I didn't like meeting new friends anymore because I was afraid that God put them in my life for another round of pain that was headed my way. In the past, I got excited about meeting new people because I was hoping God would use me in some way to help them.

Perhaps 2012 brought out my selfishness as I focused on licking my wounds a lot of the time. How selfish to avoid friendship because it might bring pain along with it. What if God wanted to use me just as much He wanted to use them? Who am I to question Him and His plan?

With eager anticipation, I was and am ready for 2013. Not because I think it will be easy, but because I know I do not face it alone. Deuteronomy 31:6

I was also excited because of some things that the Lord began revealing to me late in 2012...that this is a year of completion...for us...for our family...and though I don't know what that means right now, I know that I am excited for God to show me His plan.

As if I needed confirmation of God's goodness, I had the awesome pleasure of having coffee with a friend this morning. A friend that I am so thankful for. And we both discussed 2013 and the goodness that God is bringing to us...as well as the work there is to be done. And I am eager...eager to see what God will do...eager to understand more about Him and His plan for our sweet family. She reminded me of the year of jubilee...the 7th year is the year of jubilee...and that makes me very, very excited.