I actually started it the day before my recent race. Really, that's of little significance, but I remember things like that. I remember dates and outfits and special events. It's good and bad. Good because I know if I wore something recently and where I wore it. Bad because it makes it difficult to forget things.
The study of Ruth is fascinating. Really, any study of a specific person in the Bible sucks me in. Some of these studies are amazing. They really go through every detail of the person's life. They explain things I would never know to dig deeper into on my own.
At the beginning of the story of Ruth we find that Elimelech and Naomi and their sons have moved to Moab because of a famine in Judah. Their sons ended up marrying Moabite women. Elimelech, Naomi and the sons were all Israelites. And intermarrying with Moabites was specifically forbidden.
Actually, the fact that they even went to the land of Moab is a problem, because God forbid that as well.
Eventually all of the men died leaving Naomi, Orpah and Ruth (the son's wives) in Moab. Naomi decided to return to Bethlehem because she learned that the famine had ended, and perhaps...perhaps she wanted to return home now that she had suffered such great loss.
So, on to my point...
Kelly Minter pointed out something in her study that really made me pause and reflect. I reflected on the choices I've made in life - good and bad. Here's what she said speaking of Naomi returning home:
"...the catalyst behind both journeys seems to be governed by the physical and not the spiritual. On both occasions their physical circumstances and not necessarily the God of their circumstances dictated their decisions."
How many decisions have I made based on physical circumstances rather than the God of my circumstances?
I can think of one to start with (although there are many more). Eight years ago I wanted desperately to move back home from the town where we lived since college. We had great jobs. Our babies were in a great preschool. We had a great, little house. We had great friends. The only negative was that our families were two hours away. Two hours is not a big deal, but we all wanted to be closer. And you know, the grass is always greener...
So when I was offered a less than ideal position with a start-up company, with an okay salary, I was so eager to move back that I didn't even stop to pray about it. It was just the first bite I had at a job, and I jumped on it. I think if my sweet husband had argued with me, I probably would have been unhappy about that and tried to force the issue with him. (That is, unfortunately, a reflection of my heart at the time, I'm embarrassed to say).
Sweet husband didn't argue though. He was ready to move I suppose. Or he was ready for me to stop talking about moving. Either way, we loaded up everything we owned and headed home.
And it was all downhill from there. Within 24 hours our daughter became so ill, with what we now know was asthma, that we simply couldn't keep her well. Tubes in her ears, antibiotics, breathing treatments, pneumonia...you name it. Their daycare was less than the ideal we were expecting and considerably less than we were used to. My awesome husband had a difficult job search. Family relationships seemed strained. My job turned out to be a growing place for me. It was a task I simply wasn't cut out for. It wasn't my gift to do the job I had been given, and though I did the very best that I could do, ultimately it cost us our friendship with the people who gave me the job. It wasn't ugly. It was more of a mutual understanding of "I'm not sure what any of us were thinking when we did this..."
At some point I began to hear the Lord whispering to me. He was tugging at my heart letting me know that I had chosen my own way. I hadn't sought His will. I hadn't even prayed. I saw one cracked-open door and plowed through with full force. And the what ifs began to flood my mind.
What if we stayed - Wonder Woman might have never been sick.
What if we stayed - awesome husband would still have a job.
What if we stayed - I would have a job I loved with people I loved.
What if we stayed - the kids would be cared for by people who loved them.
What if we stayed - relationships wouldn't be strained other than by distance. And distance isn't the end of the world.
What I see when I look back now is that God used all of this in our lives to grow us, draw us nearer to Him, to refine us and create a new heart within us; a heart that would be devoted to Him. Because after seeing the destruction caused by my selfish desire to move, I would rather obey God and suffer a little pain than disobey and leave disaster in my wake.
Our suffering doesn't compare to His suffering in sending Jesus to die for us. He watched His Son be wounded and die for our sins so that we would have eternal life and not have to bear the weight of our sin anymore...
This world and this life brings momentary, physical pain. Physical suffering.
My heart's desire is to be moved in this life by spiritual circumstances rather than physical. Because when the things of God move me, I am moved out of my love for Him and not my fear of what may come.
My heart's desire is to be moved in this life by spiritual circumstances rather than physical. Because when the things of God move me, I am moved out of my love for Him and not my fear of what may come.
No comments:
Post a Comment