Five months...

A thousand emotions have barreled through my heart since September 2013. There are days when I don't feel sad over the miscarriage anymore. Then there are days that catch me by surprise when I see a baby in a new mom's arms.

And sweet Superman always touches my tummy and says, "Mom, I can't believe there was a baby in there..."

Me neither, sweet Superman. And I can't believe the baby's gone. Only, I can believe it now. I know it's final, and over. And I have felt the finality in my heart since I left the hospital after the D&C with no fanfare, no pomp and circumstance and no baby in my arms. The only thing I took home was juice and Nutter Butter cookies. The details we remember...

It's been five months today since we found out we lost the baby. And today, I am okay. I am more than okay. The day is still young, but I probably won't cry. 

Today, I choose to rejoice in the little life that was. The baby whose heart beat for a short 7 weeks. The baby to whom I'd grown so attached in such a short amount of time. 

Today, I choose to rejoice in our family of six. Six. 6. We are a family of 6. Three, precious kids alive, and one precious, angel baby. 

Today, I choose to be grateful for my amazing husband. Without him, I would not have made it through the difficult days. He was strong when I was weak. He was able when I was not. He took care of the kids when I could barely function. He took care of me when I really didn't care enough to take care of myself. In so many ways (and often when I needed it most), he pointed me back to Jesus...the only one who could heal the hurt in my heart. 

Some days are better than others. There are days when I feel the ache inside almost as much as I did five months ago. Then there are days, like today, when I feel like rejoicing because the Lord has dealt bountifully with me.