3 Things That Helped When We Miscarried

While I can only speak for myself and not my husband, I want to share some things that helped me when we miscarried. There were so many things that did not help...even from people who love me and wanted to be helpful to me during that time.

For those of you reading who might be grieving a miscarriage or maybe you know someone who is, here are three things that helped me.

This was the message they found in the scavenger hunt we did for the kids to find out we were having a baby. See that grin on her face? Wonder Woman wanted a little sister so badly.

1. It helped me to have time to process and do as little as possible. 
We have three beautiful, wonderful, busy children. My husband works. I stay home and homeschool the kids. We're busy just like everyone else. The week I found out we miscarried I did nothing. Yes, I showered. Yes, I ate. And yes, I went to multiple doctor appointments. When I was home, though, I was home...doing nothing. If you knew me in real life, you know that nothing is difficult for me. Nothing is painful. I'm a mover. I'm a doer. I do laundry all day. I clean the kitchen several times. I do crafty things just to keep me busy.

But for two weeks, I did nothing. I watched more TV in two weeks than I have in my life. It was mostly "House Hunters" and "Love it or List it!" We also caught up on some recorded shows we've been wanting to watch.

Television was a good distraction. But doing nothing was absolutely wonderful.
After two weeks, I was bored.

2. I grieved. I cried. I talked about it. A lot. 
This isn't rocket science, people. This is grief. And grief is hard. At least, this one was for me. I have grieved loved ones, relationships, churches, people, jobs and many other things in this life. I have grieved pregnancies once I delivered the babies because I missed having them safely inside. I have grieved open doors out of fear. I have grieved closed or missed opportunities because I was too afraid to take them.

Flowers for my anniversary. I split them into two vases. We celebrated our anniversary just a week before we found out about the MC.

Until now, I have never grieved quite like this. I have never cried so hard or questioned so defiantly. I have never wept for so long and asked God why in so many different ways. But a wise woman once told me that God isn't afraid of my questions. He isn't afraid of my unbelief. He isn't afraid of my pain or even my anger. I mean no disrespect to God. I still have reverent fear of the living God and His righteousness...His holiness...His awesome power. I still love Him, and need Him, and desire to know Him more and more every day.

I told God when I didn't feel like praying. And I told my friends who asked the same thing.
And they prayed for me until I could utter a prayer myself.

3. I wrote everything down. 
On my phone, on the computer, in my journal, on pages in my Bible. I wrote. I wrote details. I wrote painful things. I wrote funny things. I wrote everything and anything that I wanted to remember. And I even wrote things I would love to forget. Because I don't want to forget. I don't want to forget the baby who lived inside for 7 weeks. I don't want to forget the way it all happened. I don't want to forget the pain. I don't want to forget the sadness. I don't want this life that was short to be a distant memory. So, I wrote it all down. And one day I can go back to read it...or not. But at least it's there.

Lucy likes trampolines. My kids like Lucy. It works well.