Dear Starbucks

Dear Starbucks,

It's been a long time since I actually spent a dollar of my own money in your establishment.

Let me explain why.

It started when I went to the one closest to my house and ordered a decaf cafe misto. It was after 12 pm.

"We only brew decaf until noon."

Um...Wha?

Once I got over my confusion at how completely asinine that is, considering most people drink decaf after noon anyway, I ordered an espresso beverage instead because "we can brew any espresso drink in decaf for you at any time of day."

Of course you can.  At three times the price of what I originally wanted. How convenient for you.

Then it was the time I ordered two drinks to go to take with me to a meeting with a business mentor. Both very specific drinks. One was a grande, black coffee and one was a grande, nonfat, cinnamon dolce latte. Complicated, I tell you. And you marked them for me with a nifty, little, printed sticker. Fabulous.

So I went to my business meeting and gave my mentor her beverage. I was trying to be nice; trying to make a good impression. I hoped this meeting would be fruitful. I gave her the drink she ordered clearly marked with that cute little sticker: grande drip. So imagine my surprise when I drank mine expecting the sweet, cinnamony goodness, and instead it was black coffee. I had to swallow the look of yuck on my face. I'm sure I hid it poorly. But I was hoping for this to be an informal interview of sorts, so I didn't say a word. Her tastebuds would tell her I got it wrong. Great impression, Carly. Great.

(I have since become quite fond of black coffee and prefer it to the sweeter drinks I used to like).

For a few more times, I continued to frequent Starbucks with money of my own. More times than not, the baristas near my house got my order wrong.

So, I decided to stop using the location nearest my home. "Some locations just don't have it together," I thought. Maybe another one would be better.

Then, it started happening at every Starbucks I went to. I went in expecting that glorious, warm beverage to taste great. Over time, I began to expect the worst. Too sweet. Not sweet enough. Completely wrong altogether. I was disappointed more times than not. I began to question my own sanity since I kept going back.

And then I realized. I'm done. I'm done with you, Starbucks. It's over. We are breaking up. If you can't get my 3-5 dollar drink correct, you don't deserve my money. Because if I keep going there allowing and tolerating your mediocrity, you have no reason to improve. So that's it. Not another dollar from my pocket goes back to you.

Since I broke up with you, however, generous friends and family, who know I love a coffee treat, give me gift cards from you. So I decided to use them to see if I was wrong, all the while, continuing to vow never to spend a dollar of my own. 

And today, sadly, I decided that I will not come back to you again... not even on a gift card.

I ordered a simple coffee. Black. It's not hard to get it right. And yet even with my simple order, you disappointed me. Today it was simply coffee that was lukewarm and tasted like dirt. 

So I decided when I receive a gift card from your establishment I will politely say thank you, and then either trade it for another online or give it away.

Because I'm done. I'm done being disappointed with drinks being prepared incorrectly or just tasting generally terrible.

Adios Starbucks. You fooled me once. Shame on you. You fooled me twice. Shame on me. No more.

I'm headed to McDonald's now when I need a cup of coffee on the go. Their coffee is delicious and a dollar less expensive. And they never get it wrong. In the two years that I have been buying plain, black coffee from McDonald's, I've never gotten a bad cup. Not once. It's not bitter. It's not cold. It hasn't been sitting in the pot all day long. And yes, I CAN TELL. 


Or maybe I will just brew it at home. That costs even less even if I buy fancy, throw-away cups to take with me to an early soccer or baseball game. 

Thank you for making this easy for me. I actually won't miss you.

Sincerely,
Naturally Carly

P.S. On a side note, my brother used to work at Starbucks for several years. He loved working there. He told me I should let them know each time my order was wrong. I never did. I should have. But then in my opinion, for $4.50 for a latte, they should get it right from the start.