Not measuring up...

(WARNING...lots of words to follow...)

Happy Birthday precious Wonder Woman! You are a delight and a joy!

So many days I feel like I just don’t quite measure up…as a mom, a wife, a friend, a teacher, a housekeeper…whatever the particular role I’m to play, on any given day I do not feel like I measure up.

And I’m smart enough to know that these feelings aren’t just feelings. They’re reality.

Because I don’t measure up to the standard by which I measure myself…at all…in any area.

Sometimes those standards make sense. For example, when I measure myself against the Proverbs 31 woman…I don’t measure up. I strive and set that as my goal, my measuring stick. And never will I completely attain that title. The Proverbs 31 Woman. Nope. Not even on my best, most patient, most wonderful and productive and creative and sweet day. I will not be that woman.

Sometimes those standards don’t make sense whatsoever.

Pretty good skater for her second time.

I just had a party for my sweet Wonder Woman. She’s 8 now. We took a few friends to roller skate, swim and then had them spend the night. On the Party Scale of Fantasticity (yep, that’s a real scale, didn’t you know?), it didn’t even register. I phone called my invitations to each mom involved. There might have even been a text message (gasp!).

Donuts for breakfast...her request.

I picked up my cake at Costco…for real, it was cute. And I do get points because it was exactly what Wonder Woman wanted…or so she said in the heat of the chocolate icing and two pounds of chocolate mousse filling-moment. And on the Utter Deliciousness Scale, that cake was a 10+. Another true unit of measure. Seriously, where have you been?

You cannot have cake without Blue Bell. It's un-Texan.

There were no cute cake toppers. For goodness sake, I did a cake, not cupcakes. There were no Wonder Woman-iced cookies…because really, she’s an amazing girl…she needs no advertisement. J There were no empty Frappuccino bottles with vinyl labels for each girl to sip from with their precious paper straws. (All you people who do that…yes, you’re amazing. Your parties probably blow my Party Scale of Fantasticity right off the charts. Seriously.

Nope, instead I picked up some red and purple plates at Dollar Tree. Gotta’ love the Dollar Tree. And I did white cups to write on them with Sharpies. Our finger foods were Little Caesar’s pizzas with caffeine-free soda.

It's the Sharpie special.

I did go all out with Blue Bell ice cream. No skimping there. It is unthinkable.

So, as the dust settles and the smoke clears from this event, I find myself apologizing to parents…over the mess in my house…the lack of planned events for the party…the fact that I didn’t get the swimsuits washed last night as I normally do (hello, girlies leave wet swimsuits all over the place which usually results in water stains)…

And I recognize once more that I just don’t measure up. I didn’t even make it onto the Party Scale of Fantasticity…no, in fact, I perhaps ended up in the red.

But maybe that’s okay. I think if I were to have done all the things listed above that it would have been more about me than about her…and right this moment, it seems she’s quite happy with the way it turned out. She is a contemplator, so it may take her a few days to process and decide if it was awesome or not. She had fun, though, and I have photos to prove it.

She is quite upset to have to wait on Super Dad to return from work today so she can open her big present from us. And that’s a total bummer…for her…for sure.

Because boxers need shorts and angel wings...that's why.

And then there are times when your kid tells you that you’re the most un-fun parent ever. I mean really, I go to the pool and don’t swim. Oh, the horror!

The reality is…until this week the water was too cold. I’m a bath-water swimmer, kind of mom. Soon I will be gracing the swimming pool with my…um, presence. And then the complaint will be, “well, you got in, but your hair is still dry…”

It’s always something. Maybe that is why I feel like I don’t quite measure up. If it isn’t the voices in my head (yes, plural…you only have one voice in yours?), it’s my kids…or the world…or the magazine covers…or Pinterest…telling me once more that there’s another boat I missed.

And at the end of the day, here’s what I have to do.

Stop. Breathe. Listen. To the still small voice of God. He reminds me that I am enough. Not because of me. But because of the sacrifice of His Son…who makes me enough.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

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