The illusion of a vacation...

It's almost been a week since we've been home from vacation. A week ago tomorrow night we drove in...weary, happy, tired...and found Ryan waiting for us in the driveway. The kids were so excited. They thought he was still at work. I knew he would be there, and they were beyond excited to see him!

Since we've been home, we've done a week of homeschool. It's the 8th week for us. It went fairly well with only a few minor meltdowns to report. Two of them were my own meltdowns.

Why?

Something I like to call the "illusion of a vacation..."
On vacation everyone is all smiles and sunshine. Everyone tries to be agreeable. Most of the time. Everything seems to go well. For the most part.

When we were on vacation it felt like we hadn't a care in the world. The toughest decisions I had to make were something like:

1. Am I going to run today or not?

2. Should we watch this TV show or not?

3. Should I let them (the kids) scratch each other's eyes out or not?

4. Should I do laundry in the hotel or take it home dirty?

5. Should I let the homerun kid flip off the side of the pool? (I decided no on this one...a long time ago)

6. Should I allow the kids to have dessert AND a soft drink with their meal?

I kid. They weren't really about to scratch each other's eyes out.

There were no bills to pay. (I was checking them online at the bank, just in case). There were no worries. There were few concerns. There were no expectations to meet.

At home we had to jump back in to homeschool. I had some job applications to submit. I had phone calls to make that I couldn't put off any longer. I have groceries to buy that I haven't bought yet. No paper towels is no bueno with my sweet, hard-working husband.















So, we're home now and sometimes the mundane, every day tasks overwhelm me. I was in tears on Monday with my husband. Mind you...we got home Saturday and on Monday I my annual OB/GYN appt. So once that was over, I was a heap of tears in the parking lot. He called me. He reassured me. He reminded me to pray and to read my Bible.

And I did. And I had been doing that all 10 days on vacation...but on vacation it seemed so much easier. Because a vacation seems to put on hold the responsibilities of life.

The most difficult things on vacation were being on-call mom almost 24-7. Every night I had one kid in bed with me, if not two. One night I had all three. Whew.

Sweet husband wasn't able to go with me...he couldn't take off work. Since we were invited on this wonderful vacation with my parents, we went. And they allowed us to take our wonderful nanny, Odilia. So, while my job as mom was almost 24-7, I did have help. But moms know that most of the time, our kids want us...and no one else.

It was a glorious time. And to have not a care in the world was magnificent. Sure there were things on my mind, but actually being back home and responsible for laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, school, groceries, bills and so much more, it left me realizing that a vacation paints a picture that just isn't real. It's temporary. Short-lived.

And there's this part of me that longs for a lack responsibility. Or a lot less responsibility. I joked with my mom that "school just gets in the way..." and I really was joking. But there's a huge weight that goes with being the educator of your children.

I know God has called me to a specific plan and purpose. And I don't know exactly what that is. I never really have. EXCEPT. Except that I know that I love these precious kids and they are mine to raise. And I feel completely, 100% called to teach them, train them, and raise them...to love God, serve God, know God, and to love others, serve others and meet the needs of others.

I do not take lightly this responsibility. My desire is to love and serve God above all else. To glorify Him in all that I do. And I fail miserably each and every day. I haven't arrived. I don't have it all figured out. Some days I want to run from the responsibility and the calling before me. But I press on. To honor Him. And I long for the illusion of a vacation...but more than that, I long to please my Savior.

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Romans 12:3